Hardik Rajgor

D ear Government, Congratulations on the  Statue of Unity , it’s a marvellous structure. While I appreciate you building a statue for one Patel, I am uncomfortable with the idea that you wanted to turn another Patel (me) into a living statue. Accuse me of overreacting, but how did you expect me to feel when so much happened in the last couple of months? The independence of the  RBI  was under so much threat that I had to change the subject line of my resignation mail to Preserve Bank of India. I preferred our arguments over those long mail threads with half the office marked, but when  Arun Jaitley  decided to make the feud public, I had no choice but to awaken the Gir Lion inside me. On purpose, I chose a  guy named Viral  to issue comments on my behalf so that the message would be loud, clear, and… viral.   I get it, this is  election  year and you want more money so you can roll out some schemes and campaign across the country...

D ear Prime Minister Modi/ Vikas Purush/ Renaissance Man, How do we address you? During the 2014 general elections, all you spoke about was development. Vikas was the only word you heard on the radio, TV, or the internet — so much so that my friend Vikas refused to step out of the house. Along with that word, you were omnipresent, like watching  Shah Rukh Khan  trying to promote  Ra.One . India had been waiting for a long time, for the divisive politics of caste, class, and religion to be replaced by that of development, economics, and governance. And you had caught that pulse. You are a master orator and the microphone brings out the best in you. When the opposition spoke of caste, you spoke of  Digital India . When they mentioned  religion , you spoke about how Hindus and Muslims should work together to alleviate poverty. You even went on to win the social-media game, that would later be taken to the next level by your good friend Donald bhai. The people...

I n my callow youth, I’ve had many flings. My passport was my first love; I remember holding on to it for dear life as I took my first flight abroad. When I turned 18, my driving licence, my gateway to make all my testosterone-fuelled  Fast and Furious  dreams come true, came into my life. This was followed by the voter ID card, definitive proof that I was now an adult worthy of electing the esteemed representatives of our country. Soon after I had a short, summer romance with the PAN card (although we were more like  friends with benefits ) I don’t regret any of these relationships. They all did their bit for me, helped me grow into the person I am today, and I’m still friends with most of them. But they failed to complete me; I couldn’t see them as an integral part of my life. I wanted something more from my partner. And then on a fine winter morning in January 2009, I met  Aadhaar . It was love at first sight. I was awestruck the moment Aadhaar scanned my eye...

H undreds of news reports, thousands of tweets, millions of people, and even the Reserve Bank of India gave its verdict on  demonetisation . The RBI declared that 99.3 per cent of demonetised notes came back to the banks. Everyone still goes on and on about how demonetisation was a massive failure that hurt the economy. Poor Arun Jaitley had to defend demonetisation more than Rahul Dravid had to defend himself in the Rawalpindi Test Match in 2004. This negativity is so polluting that even the smog in Delhi looks at it and develops a complex. I’m sick and tired of this nonsense peddled by the liberal media. Can we just ignore  statistics  and facts that reflect reality, and look at the good things demonetisation gave us? Demonetisation had people of all castes, religions, economic, and ethnic backgrounds coming together for one grand cause – to coax hundred bucks out of the ATM machine. It united us a country, in a way that even the movie  Border  or India-...

D ear <insert name of Finance Minister here>, I don’t know who I should address this mail to, because I’m not sure who the Finance Minister currently is. Are we doing the odd-even thing, where it’s Arun Jaitley on odd days and  Piyush Goyal  on even days? Anyway, I will address it to Arun Jaitley ji because I don’t know of any other way to say it – I am  katti  with Piyush Goyal. I would like to tender my resignation from the post of Chief Economic Advisor after serving almost four years in office. The finance ministry seems to be a  “sinking ship”  – even Rahul Gandhi knows it – and I don’t want to be around when it hits the iceberg. The  economy  has hit a rough patch, fuel prices are rising, the  rupee  is getting weaker and the current account deficit is widening. I was among the world’s top 100 thinkers in 2011 – I can’t have a blip on my  CV  just because you lot can’t get your shit together. However, t...