Forget Monday, Tuesday is Actually the Worst Day of the Week
Illustration: Sushant Ahire
Monday is the worst day of the week, and reams of writing, posters, “thought catalogues” and listicles will hardly let you forget it. If you browse Instagram on a Monday morning, you’ll find pictures of dozens of coffee mugs with quotes battling “Monday blues”. Yes, the pain of going through this day has reached such gigantic proportions, that there is a phrase dedicated to it. You check Twitter and the top trend is #MondayMotivation, an internet phenomenon whose sole purpose is aiding people in dealing with the trauma of getting back to routine life, through memes and GIFs of course. Everyone from your doodhwala, to paperwala, to watchman to neighbour uncle seems annoyed and is one taunt away from losing his shit. You meet people at work and they have all decided that the world is coming to an end.
After all, Monday signifies the return to normalcy, stressful and boring. Left to us, weekends would last through seven days. You sleep for two hours on a Saturday afternoon and suddenly it’s Sunday night and anxiety begins to kick in. What could be worse than getting up early and going back to work after staring at the walls for two full days?
Yet, let me propose something that could attract blasphemy laws in India. It is in fact Tuesday, and not really Monday, which is the worst day of the week.
By theory of elimination, let me first tell you why it’s a two-horse race and the other days are nowhere close to being as horrible as the first two days of the week. If Monday is Trump, Tuesday is Kim Jong-un. Wednesday brings with itself hope that the weekend is within striking distance: It’s like crossing the halfway mark in a marathon race. Thursday is a contender to be one of the best days of the week because you are filled with hope for Friday. And there’s nothing bad about Friday, except maybe that song by Rebecca Black. And weekends, well, you don’t need me to elaborate on that.
That leaves us with Monday and Tuesday.
While Monday is the dreaded return to routine, it is also a return after a break. If you spent a lot of time relaxing, you’re in a good mood heading into the week – you might even be feeling a bit of hope. Maybe you went camping, or binge-watched a TV show, or just spent some time with your dysfunctional family. Either way, when you come back to work, there are is something to talk about. Some part of you always looks forward to meeting your “colleagues” again, if only to tell them what you thought of the latest Game of Thrones episode, Rohit Sharma’s double hundred against Sri Lanka, or the friendly shooting at the family wedding.
Monday hasn’t had a chance to stain you with its workplace cynicism; Monday is just the beginning of an action movie, when things are happy and haven’t gotten bloody just yet; Monday helps you prepare for the worst. You can perform mundane tasks at work like filing for expense reimbursements, completing some weekly HR formalities, or taking a coffee break every seven minutes.
But once Monday is done, and you feel a bit relieved that the worst is behind you, you forget all about the torture that is Tuesday.
Because when it comes to Tuesday, it’s like your soul has been sucked out. If Voldemort were a week, Tuesday would be the last horcrux. It is Monday on repeat, minus all of the parts that allow you to ease in a little. Your positive energy from the weekend is all gone. Tuesday is confirmation of how hellish the rest of the week is going to be. Tuesday is when you’re expected to suck up and just get on with it, having had your easy day. If I had the resources, I would prove to you scientifically that time moves the slowest on a Tuesday.
Work is relentless; the weekend is far, far away. You have exhausted most topics of small talk and the hopelessness starts to kick in, making you reevaluate many aspects of your life (which has also given rise to a new internet phenomenon in #TuesdayThoughts). Tuesday doesn’t attract enough negative PR because everyone is too busy occupied with their hatred of Monday.
Left to me, I’d start a movement to ban Tuesdays.
Because if Tuesday were a person, it would be the Joker from The Dark Knight. It can’t be reasoned with, bought, bullied, or negotiated with. It just wants to watch the world burn.